Lebensupdate

When was the last time I gave a life update?

Honestly, I can’t even say for sure...

All I know is: ever since I moved to Kyoto, so much has changed. New people, new work, new paths – and countless chances to grow.

I’ll introduce my workplace in a separate post, where I’ve spent the last year and a half.

But first, let’s talk about what’s been happening around me in recent weeks and months...

My recent posts have been rather philosophical, and for good reason. I embarked on a journey that led me to the deepest and darkest corners of myself. Not just asking where I want to be:

Where am I right now?

Who am I?

What kind of life do I want to live?

Which dreams do I want to follow – and which ones should I let go of?

The thought of not wanting to return to Germany has been popping up in my mind ever since I arrived in Japan. It’s not that I don’t miss my family and friends – I absolutely do. But here and there, I kept noticing that I don’t want to live long-term in a country where I can’t fully be myself.

Then, in late summer last year, a moment came that shook the carefully constructed house of cards I’d built over the years. Some of you may have heard about it through a few degrees of separation – or because you’ve been following this blog closely – but I’ve been hopping from one one-year visa to the next:

One year of language school, one year at a Ryokan, one year working at a kimono shop. Last year, it was time to apply for another extension.

The plan for summer 2024 was to stay one more year in Japan, then return to Germany to open a Sento – or maybe a kimono store, or even a kimono school. The idea was to “hold out” in Germany until my then-partner completed his military service. And then, at least in my imagination, we’d move back to Japan together.

But the universe had other plans.

When I picked up my visa in November, I didn’t get a one-year visa. I got three years.

It felt like the universe was asking me:

“What do YOU truly want?”

And to be honest?I had no answer.

So I started to search. I began looking at all the doors that had suddenly opened. I considered the option of staying longer in Japan. I asked myself:

What do I want from my relationship?

What do I want from my future?

Where do I see myself in three years?

And little by little – month by month, day by day – the fog began to clear.

One question stood out at the core of it all:

“Why build a bridge when I’m already where I feel happy?”

Yes, Japan comes with its own set of challenges – I won’t deny that. But here – with the people who surround and support me – I feel at home.

I feel I`ve arrived.

But how does that align with what others expect from me? With the wishes they’ve expressed, or the words I spoke three years ago that they now try to hold me to?

I let those go.

First, piece by piece in my heart.

Then, by saying them out loud.

Some of those people had supported me through everything, had always been there for me –but now, our paths are going in different directions. It was painful. But it was the only way for me to breathe again.

And now, here I am – again – sitting in front of the world map, looking at all the possibilities. With all this freedom, all these ideas, dreams, and decisions. I still hold a three-year visa – but I’ve decided I won’t be using it.

And yes – I know what some of you are thinking:

“But why not? Wasn’t that exactly what you wanted? Wasn’t this the trigger for all these changes?”

Yes. It was.

And I’m incredibly grateful.

Because that moment – that visa – was the drop that finally made the cup overflow.

And only then could the water begin to flow.

Now, it’s free to follow whatever path feels right in this moment.

Japan is my home port.

My starting point – and the place I’ll return to.

But in between, there’s still so much more to discover.

So much more to see, to experience, to learn.

So my current plan is simple: let go of the things that no longer serve me!

I’ll be traveling to Germany in early October for a few months.

How long? I don’t know yet.

But I’ll use that time to sort through and release everything that’s still holding me back – emotionally and materially.

After that, I’ll head Down Under.

To the land of red earth.

How long will I stay? I’m not sure yet.

But it’ll be more than a holiday. I’ll work, earn money – and lay the foundation for a future return to Japan. A time to continue finding myself. A time to reconnect with my roots.

And after that?

We’ll see.

Maybe Japan again.

Maybe another country in Asia.

Maybe Europe.

I’m open to anything –because now I know what I want:

To be free.

Not free from responsibility, or from work, or alone.

No.

I want to move freely – with people who also want to live with flexibility. People who aren’t afraid to dive into new and unknown adventures with me. I want a life full of laughter. A chosen family that joins me in every wild idea – or supports me from afar. I want to live a life that puts a smile on my face every single day, no matter how challenging the situation might be.

I want to help, love, see, feel, and live fully.

And this is the path I’m on now.

No – I don’t see the full road ahead.

I don’t know exactly where it’s leading.

But I trust it.

And I keep putting one foot in front of the other, with the quiet certainty that it will hold me.

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So: To everyone in Germany – from mid-October at the latest, I’ll be around to bug you again. Start boiling some tea and make a little time for me.

I’ve got a lot to share.