A question that keeps appearing in my life, yet never really takes shape. It is the question of making something tangible that cannot be put into words or numbers. The question of comparing paths that should not be compared. A question that can quickly evoke envy and resentment, making one’s own achievements seem smaller than they really are.
What is success? Have I achieved my goals, or am I still on my way? Have I already checked off everything I set out to do?
Yes and no.
Yes, I have successfully completed many things in my life: my high school diploma, my bachelor's degree, and my master's degree. I finished language school and completed the beginner's course in the tea ceremony. Two years of kimono school and one year of working in a Japanese ryokan.
These are all things I had planned and have now completed. But does that mean I am truly successful or have reached my goal?
In my eyes, no. I will always remain a student of life. I will never stop learning Japanese, even if I no longer actively attend classes. I will never stop engaging with kimonos or the tea ceremony, even though I already have certificates proving my skills. There is always more to discover: stories I have not yet heard, future developments that have not yet occurred.
I am still on my path, and it is constantly changing. But the goal remains the same: to learn and pass on what I have learned. To experience and share those experiences.
I have by no means reached my full potential. There is still so much room for growth. And yet, I am happy with what I have and content with where I stand—both in life and in the physical world.
I am very happy in an apartment that is far too small, in a job that does not fully fulfill me, and with a salary that does not reflect my skills.
I am very happy when I spend time with my friends, wear kimonos, practice kyudo, and attend tea ceremony lessons.
15 percent of my life here in Japan fulfill me so much that I can hardly put it into words.
15 percent is what you see—the moments I share with you.
15 percent is sunshine, matcha, and temple visits.
But that is not my entire life. The remaining 45 percent you do not see. The late nights when I, tired but with a broad smile on my face, clean public baths as a volunteer. The early mornings when I teach German online with all my heart and joy, just to earn a little extra, as my salary barely covers my living expenses. My work breaks, which are not really breaks because I write blog entries about my experiences or run my online kimono shop on Etsy so that people can buy products. My days off, which sometimes are not really days off because I go shopping for Etsy orders, work on my Sento guide, or go to the gym so that my physically demanding job does not take too much of a toll on my back.
You don’t see the rare moments when I sit alone in my room, scrolling through old photos on my phone and crying because I miss my family. You don’t wake up every morning and take on the day in a country where you will always be a foreigner. You don’t have to explain why you are walking the path you have chosen. Why you have chosen the difficult path. And do so every single day.
Maybe you’re asking yourself now: why does she keep walking this path if it seems so exhausting and difficult?
Because it is a path that helps me grow. A path worth walking. A path where, with every step, a flower begins to bloom along the way. A life in which the 15 percent of time, so full of joy and light, overshadow the remaining 45 percent that are exhausting and sometimes nerve-wracking. A path where those other 45 percent also contain moments that bring me joy, activities that fulfill me, and experiences that make me smile.
Right now, those 45 percent are my motivation and drive to keep evolving. To keep growing, exploring new possibilities and paths, so that maybe one day I will have a job that gets me out of bed full of energy every morning. To learn, to grow, to meet new people and make connections. To one day live with my family in an apartment or house with a garden somewhere in rural Japan.
For you, only what I put into small texts is visible from my world, giving you a glimpse into the shadowy sides. Without these honest texts, you only see the constant sunshine, the apparent successes, and the goals that, when viewed from the past, seem to have been achieved. You see the beautiful photos and the smile on my face.
And that’s okay.
Because each of us walks our own path. With our own successes and achievements. Some paths are harder, others easier, but everyone moves at their own pace.
So do yourselves a favor and compare yourselves only to yourselves. To the person you were yesterday, with the courage and confidence that your future self will be proud of who you are today.
Give your best every day and smile, just like I do. Find in the 15 percent of your life that bring you satisfaction the strength to shape the other 45 percent so that one day, you reach 100 percent.
Because that is my goal. Here in Japan and in my life.
Comentários